DStilled

Death before Truth

So I read a bit on Easter and here’s what I got:  Christians have been celebrating Passover and Jesus’ resurrection pretty much since it happened.  At first lots of people did it their own way and this of course got some of the “religious” folk up in arms.  By the first Council of Nicea in 325 most Christians were celebrating the resurrection on the Sunday after Passover, which moves (full moon on/after vernal equinox), instead of celebrating on Passover itself.  Basically this was done to separate from the Jewish sect a bit more and people caught on.  The Eastern Christian church still uses a word from the Hebrew for Passover while the Western Church has adopted the term “Easter” from a month named after a pagan goddess that coincided with the time of Passover and resurrection.  This is debatable but sounds certainly sounds like something those 9th century Germanic theologians would have done (perhaps even earlier - Charlemagne?).  The Easter Bunny also comes from this pagan goddess of fertility.  The goddess changed a bird into a rabbit that could still lay eggs.  Random?  Why not.

So I was presented with a list of attributes that I was supposed to say which four my friends were most likely to give me from this list.  Here is the list:   Good Listener, Modest, Respectful, Affectionate, Caring, Spontaneous, Physically, Fit, Warm, Outgoing, Optimistic, Dependable, Romantic, Creative, Loyal, Spiritual, Kind, Ambitious, Articulate, Rational, Easy-Going, Generous, Happy, Quiet, Genuine, Intelligent, Hard Working, Thoughtful, Sweet, Passionate, Energetic, Funny, and Perceptive.  I of course would like all 33 of them attributed to me but the question is which four stick out to others.  Well, I asked a few and here’s what I got:  Spiritual – 5, Intelligent – 4, Perceptive – 4, Thoughtful – 4, Good listener – 3, Hard Working – 2, Passionate – 2, Articulate – 2, Spontaneous – 2, Genuine – 2, Loyal – 1, Creative – 1, Generous – 1, Physically Fit – 1, Optimistic – 1, Kind – 1, and Funny – 1.  I was pleased and surprised that I received such a variety of responses.  That tells me that I at least possess some of all of these and certain people see them in me.  I noted many of my friends saw in me some of their own strongest attributes and that is perhaps why (among other reasons) we are friends.  Before I surveyed them I had of course answered the question myself.  I did my best to be objective and apparently I did well in this regard.  I picked Intelligent, Perceptive, Funny, and Spiritual.  And if you asked me to be beyond honest, I might say that I want to be funnier than I am.  I at least think I’m funny!  I really didn’t think I cared about reputation too much but it turns out I do and just don’t worry about it because most people like me and see in me what I see in myself.  That for me is the definition of authenticity.  Reputation for me is intertwined with integrity and THAT I deeply care about.

So yesterday I was driving on the highway and my “driving sense” went off.  I knew something was different and I should be on alert.  About a mile further down the road I came up on and slowly passed a funeral procession.  On Silent Saturday dozens of cars worth of people were going to a graveside to bury someone they loved.  As I thought came up on the last car in the caravan my eyes started to well up.  The weather was cold and overcast.  Everything about this day was utterly gray.  I had just woken up and really not thought too much about the significance of the weekend yet.  I started to cry without much warning.  Jesus for this one whole day in existence was dead.  My Savior and Redeemer and Lover and Friend and King and Holy God was dead.  I wept for Him.  I suffered in His pain and agony for the weight of my sin.  This is how I need to release my anxiety in life I said to myself.  God grant me a moment of tears every week.  Touch me in an emotional and physical way.  “…For we do not mourn as those who have no hope…”  What about the family I’m riding beside?  Do they have hope? “…I am the Resurrection and the Life…”  My God, my God, I have forsaken You!  “…I love you with all My heart…”  Thank you so much…can I just absorb You love right now?  Can I simply allow myself to receive it?  What would it look like for me to simply give it?  That would be truly honoring Your Name.

BTW, I’m officially in the CPE program at U of L Hospital this summer.