DStilled

Shower Abstinence

January 30, 2008 on 7:44 pm | In Blog |

Happy happy joy joy! I can drive like I want again! Not that this isn’t ever not true, but self-imposed restrictions for empathetic purposes have hindered such as of late. It is quite wonderful and I missed it. Here are the last couple of entries in my log followed by something I’ve been up to in my bathroom.

1/21
I must confess that I broke the traffic laws many times today. I started to forget about the regulation I had put on myself and just drove slowly for driving’s sake. In other words, I’ve been driving slower for a while now and I got a better “feel” for it. So I was driving according to that feel instead of every 2 seconds looking at the speedo. But this of course caused me to speed up slightly when something would happen or whatever. So probably about 10 times I went anywhere from 1-4 miles an hour over the limit. My first thoughts were of rationalization and minimization and these are the exact ways I convince myself that any wrong thing I do is ok. They are powerful tools that all addicts utilize. When I eat too much, when I skip responsibilities, when I put people down, and when I break laws designed for safety, I can always justify it. I have learned not to enough that change is possible, but the immediate response is still there. One of the things addicts have taught me is to get out of myself. I need to focus on others and God to truly develop a sense of selflessness and humility. It is only through these that I can break the cycles of negative habits and replace them with positive change. Honestly, it inspires me. I don’t have nearly the things going against me and I’ve got more going for me; of course I can change! Now’s the matter of what am I ready to change? Or perhaps better put, what am I ready to let go? Wow, those bodhisattvas sure are on to something here.

1/22
Went to the Morton Center today. It was nice and everything but we didn’t get nearly the experience of the patients like we did at the Healing Place. I was impressed with the staff and facilities. Because they take a systems approach, all their rooms are able to accommodate families and groups. Alcoholism certainly seems like a problem with the system instead of the individual and that means a systems method is the way to help the patients. I’m not sure I could see myself there as a practicum site, but then again maybe its because I’d rather not. I’m ready for some speed under my wheels.

1/23
I’m very much looking forward to running my errands tomorrow because I will be free to disregard the laws! Wow that sounds so much worse than it feels. But basically, I’ll be once again able to drive according to feel and laws instead of only by rules. I will incorporate some of what I’ve learned into my driving from now on, but for tomorrow, I’m just not going to worry about that. My car’s going to think, “I thought you had decided to be super duper nice you me from now on.” Turns out, I didn’t even get that much better gas mileage, which surprised me. If I was getting 28 mpg before, I got maybe 30 going extra slow. I guess that is a testament that my “normal” driving isn’t fierce, just harder.
I was talking to someone today about my day, and I had to remark that I was annoyed most of the class. When we were comparing the Healing Place and the Morton Center it seemed like everyone was nit picking apart the two places trying to make them “better.” That’s all well and good but something about it irked me. I like critique and constructive criticism as much as the next scientist, but here in the social sciences, there was something fundamentally wrong with what they were doing. I don’t think anyone would say that everyone fits a treatment plan or a plan fits everyone. However, people kept harping on what each place lacked (mainly looking down upon the Healing Place) instead of seeing that they don’t lack anything for the patients they help. It was as if everyone is searching for a universal integrative systems model instead of seeing the specific usefulness of each model in its specific place and time. I was really just getting annoyed. So often I feel like that’s what these systems thinkers are doing: trying to make a system that everything fits into, trying to make a system where no one is left out. It’s ok to have more than one system! I like it that the Healing Place doesn’t do therapy the way you think it needs to be done! Many of these patients’ brains work differently and don’t/can’t process they way you want them to! It’s as if they didn’t get to the heart of being empathic at all in this course.

So now that THAT is over let me tell you what I learned: I need endorphines! Endorphines are the hormones in your body that come alive when you become active or productive. They are adrenaline’s casual cousin, if you want to think about it that way. This class was about change and the thing that needs to change in my life right now is how sedentary I am. So I’m napping less and trying to do more. Everything I do at school, work, counseling, and study, I do sitting down. I’ve “evolved” passed the blue-collar line of living and do everything with my mind and words. I don’t like it! I NEED motion and physical exertion! One of the happiest times in my life was when I was working full time at NTB, going to school full time, rock climbing, playing basketball, and racquetball every week. I was also in the best shape of my adult life. I’m not unfit now by any means but I’m sedentary and that’s what has got to change.

So, in almost everyone’s bathroom there exists a showerhead. Some are very simple and then others are very fancy. I’ve made a simply fancy showerhead out of pvc and ingenuity. It works of course and is a joy to be in. This project grew out of my desire to be overwhelmed by the hot water at the end of the shower time. So one day I filled the tub up and soaked like it was a hot tub. Very nice. However, when I pulled the plug, the pipes started to freak out below me and my neighbors underneath had small geysers of muck coming up in their tubs! I won’t be doing that anymore. It is detachable so I’ll take this with me to anyplace I live, and I’ll paint it eventually. It cost me a little more for start-up, but I’m going to market them for $20 if anyone wants one. Just let me know by clicking Comments. Happy Groundhog Day-ish!