DStilled

Redbox Abstinence

January 21, 2008 on 1:31 am | In Blog |

Here’s my last few days living still in an abstaining, change oriented life:

1/15
So today was just another day like any other. A day where I just drove according to all the laws. I did just barely bump over the speed limit a couple of times on an onramp and another time in a slow neighborhood. Both of those times I was paying attention more to my surroundings than my exact speed. So I feel ok about such glitches. I really am looking forward to taking corners a bit harder though when this is all over. That’s where the reality of the drive gets me the most. I’m going to try to incorporate the slowness and gentleness more in my driving after this stint, but I’m not going to be so freaking legalistic about it. Slowness is about safety first. As of right now, I’m accepting the risk that harder driving incurs. It is worth it for the love of driving. But the people around me aren’t and my driving can change for their sake. So if I’m not thrashing it about in a safe environment, then I’ll go 4 over instead of 9. It’s not getting there that’s the big deal; it’s the love of the journey.

1/16
Eh. Sometimes this place weirds me out. LPTS can sometimes be too mystical for my tastes of what a seminary should be about in its teachings. I’m just not comfortable with matters of social work being THAT spiritual. I know God is found and revealed in all facets of life, but it just seems like people here really are just a bunch of hippies. I like hippies and often want to be associated with them, but I never actually want to be one. New Age thinking just makes me laugh sometimes. Other times it is an affront to my faith with its lack of Biblical understanding of the personhood of Jesus. If I was going to Southern right now, my issue would be the opposite: it would be an affront to my faith with its lack of experiential understanding of the personhood of Jesus. It’s just crazy that I can go a week straight in a seminary and never have the Bible come up in conversation or class. I don’t like that. I find mysticism to be very attractive to me, but I would really want to balance it heavily with Biblical work. Perhaps I should get an MDiv.

1/17
I’m scared of this possible oncoming wave of change in my life. I’m scared because I won’t be changing what I do, but how I do them. I won’t be changing big things in normal terms (job, where I live) but the little things that get me through. I’m scared because my greatest friend in the whole world expects me to change always (because she knows it is good for her) and I’m not going to. I’m afraid of losing our connection because she is going to give up on me. I like how I live most of the time and recognize the waves of down I have to get through to make it to the ups. I’m ok with that. She is not. Mainly because I’m very ok with who I am. I like me. By her being obsessed with change, I believe that as she doesn’t like the current me, and if I change she might not like the future me. This is of course a lie, but I’ve internalized it for so long that I believe it. I’m looking forward to going to the Healing Place tomorrow and then the NA meeting after the worship service tomorrow night. I need some church in my life right now.

1/18
The Healing Place was a good visit, even in my tired, groggy state. I liked the program they set up and it obviously works for a lot of people. Seeing how the place started and is still a homeless shelter really fills my heart. I know change and abstinence can’t be easy for these people, and the structure and support the Healing Place provides is just the ticket to recovery. Community meeting was insightful to say the least. There were times I felt uncomfortable for people in the room, but that really had to do with me than them. It was interesting how easily they made that clear.
I’ve studied how human beings flourish and research says we all need three things: meaningful work, loving relationships, and a connection to something bigger than we are. The 12 step model certainly allows people to flourish. I went to Highland Baptist tonight for the worship service and then the NA meeting. The service was nice and all but the meeting was better. 95% of the people on this earth believe in a higher power of one kind or another. Going to a room full of addicts and rejects opens my eyes to how small God is to me. Maybe all the heathen liberals are right. Maybe God manifests Himself in ways wholly non-Christian to people. Well, I guess I didn’t have a problem with that part. It’s salvation that the “details” seem to matter. Fundamentalism is just wrapped up so nicely that if you start taking off the paper on the corners, you might as well just take it all off. Not today for me. I’ll leave that faith crisis for another time.

1/19
I read today that AA never wanted to be a treatment center but the goal was to simply help people maintain their sobriety. I thought that was very insightful and humble of the framers to do. They recognized that all people are different and AA is just one of many ways people can be freed from the burden of alcoholism. More importantly, steps 2-11 are all about bettering one’s life rather than combating alcoholism directly. This method allows for traits such as service, humility, tolerance, and community to develop as a manifestation of the change away from the drug. It’s nice to have something to focus on when your focus is off. It’s even more important for that focus to be helped by people who have gone through it before. These changes are to come out of faith in God, but there again the framers had the foresight to realize everyone’s God is as different as they are. I really am impressed with 12 step programs.

1/20
I drove around today for the first time for fun since I’ve been under this restriction. I didn’t choose any wonderful winding roads like I normally would for fun, but instead a long, straight commercial strip. I was cruisin’ for real. I did have a destination but I took the long way ‘round and almost forgot about the legal oppression I normally feel. It was nice. Like I’ve said, if I could thrash my car around on the weekends somewhere at a track, then I’d drive more like this all the time!

Many of you may have visited a McDonald’s or grocery store recently and noticed a DVD rental thing outside. It’s a small red kiosk with a TV in the middle of it. This is called Redbox and it is wonderful. For $1 a day you can rent any movie they have in the box, around 50 titles and mostly new releases. So today I rented Live Free or Die Hard, Sunshine, Dragon Wars, and Rattatouille. Needless to say it was a movie day. So I have until tomorrow at 9pm to return them to any Redbox kiosk. Everything is computerized so it’s all connected to the same network. If you so desire, you can even buy the DVD for $7. You have to pay with a card (oh! how sad that bills and quarters are obsolete with such a convenient kiosk!) so I’m sure you’d get fined if you didn’t return the movie. Since it is all computerized, you can also go online to see what each Redbox has at any given time (since you can return DVDs to any place, the collection is organic) and reserve it so it will be there when you pick it up. I think this is a wonderful alternative to Blockbuster not just because it is PROFOUNDLY cheaper, but because it is SO easy! I recommend using it at least once just to see for yourself. In the age of easy pirated software, we need to support good, inexpensive, and easy ways of providing entertainment. I for one will with Redbox. Their motto on the web is Copious. Ubiquitous. Righteous. For you Lexington peeps, the only place right now is at Wal-Mart in Tates Creek South on Saron Dr. Charlottesville’s got like 5 and anyone else just go the website to look it up near you. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!